It's tough to write when you think other people are going to read it. You realize you don't really want people to know what you really think. There is an urgent need to put on a socially acceptable facade.
"This is too pretentious"
"Too preachy"
"No one wants to know that"
"They will know that this is about THEM!"
And the internal rant continues. I spent weeks and months thinking about Safe & Interesting things to write about. And I didn't write a word. All that pretty stationary & empty blogs lying around with blank pages because my words were not good enough.
Then one day I was telling my sister about this urgent need I felt within to do some soul searching, to figure out the Why's in my life. The why I do what I do thing. Then she gave some good advice which I cannot remember as it has been overshadowed by what she told me next . She told me that I really should start writing again as she really enjoys reading what I write. I was internally shocked. Someone on this planet wants me to write, however biased she maybe by blood and love; it is still one human being who asked me to write. Then double whammy I really love writing but am holding back.
Maybe I do this too often. Don't go after what I truly love for the need of putting on the facade. For fear of judgement. For all my declarations of self confidence and me not caring about what people think, my writing bares my fears. I do care. Care too much.
I think the Why to Why I write is easy.
Because when I write I am happy. Really happy, it somehow makes me feel good within. Like I can do this for hours and not notice that I have missed a meal. Like when I write I can forget about the world and do what I enjoy. In fact I need to do this. It gives me clarity about the rest of the things in my life. Everything makes more sense to me when I write. Even if I suck at it.
There again. Judgement comes calling. Need to re-read some advice from Steve jobs which seems to fit in exactly.
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
― Steve Jobs
Courage, yes that's what I need. To keep going.
"This is too pretentious"
"Too preachy"
"No one wants to know that"
"They will know that this is about THEM!"
And the internal rant continues. I spent weeks and months thinking about Safe & Interesting things to write about. And I didn't write a word. All that pretty stationary & empty blogs lying around with blank pages because my words were not good enough.
Then one day I was telling my sister about this urgent need I felt within to do some soul searching, to figure out the Why's in my life. The why I do what I do thing. Then she gave some good advice which I cannot remember as it has been overshadowed by what she told me next . She told me that I really should start writing again as she really enjoys reading what I write. I was internally shocked. Someone on this planet wants me to write, however biased she maybe by blood and love; it is still one human being who asked me to write. Then double whammy I really love writing but am holding back.
Maybe I do this too often. Don't go after what I truly love for the need of putting on the facade. For fear of judgement. For all my declarations of self confidence and me not caring about what people think, my writing bares my fears. I do care. Care too much.
I think the Why to Why I write is easy.
Because when I write I am happy. Really happy, it somehow makes me feel good within. Like I can do this for hours and not notice that I have missed a meal. Like when I write I can forget about the world and do what I enjoy. In fact I need to do this. It gives me clarity about the rest of the things in my life. Everything makes more sense to me when I write. Even if I suck at it.
There again. Judgement comes calling. Need to re-read some advice from Steve jobs which seems to fit in exactly.
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
― Steve Jobs
Courage, yes that's what I need. To keep going.
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